I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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