I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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