smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize