I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
