Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
