Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
