i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
