i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
