I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
