The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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