Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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