I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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