My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
