That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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