every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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