Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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