So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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