If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
