No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
