Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
