I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
