you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
