Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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