I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
