I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
