how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
