I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
