can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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