I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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