what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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