Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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