so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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