bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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