Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
