I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
there was a trapeze. enough said
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
