Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize