dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
