You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
40s are totally the cure
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
