how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
