get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It was confusing and full of hummus
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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