she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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