I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
