My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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