i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
