no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
