i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
