My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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