Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
