an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
