I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
