an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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