i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
