no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
