It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
