just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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