Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
