Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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