I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
