Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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