3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
