Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
