I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
