I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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