I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
