would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
