I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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